He's Scoping You Out for Your Digits, but Not the Ones You'd Expect...

We all do it, whether we like to admit it or not: we rate people.

The difference is that some of us have more creative ways of doing it than others. My friend Dave and his friends have this clever system that he shared with me one night while we were out. 

It doesn't have a name so I'm dubbing it the "Area Code Assessment"

ACA has three categories: 

Face --> scale 0-9

Doable? --> Yes (1), No(0)

Body --> scale 0-9

Worst possible rating: 000 (ouch)

Best possible rating: 919 (ohh heyy!)

Using it in Real Life

So let's say you see a person while you're out and you're using this system. Let's say you think they have a decent face, but you probably wouldn't "do" them, and that they have an OK body. You end give them a 4 for face, 0 for doability, and 5 for body. Your mind made up, you tell your friend "I would say...405?" and your friend can agree or disagree accordingly.

The benefit of this system is that you can have a working dialogue with your friends in loud places using the least number of words. Science nerds and math geeks alike love the language of numbers and truly grasp the beauty of this system. It makes sense that the dudes who made this up are finance people who crunch numbers all day, haha.

Some Real Life Area Codes and How They Could Apply to ACA 

D.C.

Our nation's capital: full of 202's, apparently. That's too bad. I guess you don't have to be a looker to pass a piece of legislation though...

CT

In this state, 203 is the way to be. I guess that's why so many residents commute OUT of their state into...

NEW YORK

Visiting Long Island? You'll find some 516's with distinct accents. You'll just know. 

Going way up north to the state's capital? Better find yourself a 518, but know you're venturing dangerously close into "butterface" territory. If you're in Binghamton and encounter a 607, you must be mighty picky (good face/body and ya still wouldn't tap that?). You do however, have a chance to redeem yourself in Buffalo if you find a 716.

If you're a New York City guy, you're probably always searching for the elusive 917 girl, but you go home with the 212 when you've got the beer goggles on. 

But, if you happen to venture into the suburbs, you'll be searching for a 914 girl to keep you company.

NEW JERSEY

I can proudly say I attended school in northern NJ for 9 years and loved it. But if you're a girl who's an NJ-hater like the rest of the country, you'd DIE before ever thinking of dating a 201 guy. 

So you decide to head to Trenton, and find a 609. Thinking you can "so do better than THAT" you bail on Trenton and go to Elizabeth and find a 908, and you leave him where he is. Why? because he's from Jersey. GIRL, you NEED to get over your Jerseyphobia! Or,  just go back to...

PENNSYLVANIA

...to your Philly-based, cheesesteak-loving 215. That one's for you, AE. ;) haha. (don't worry, he's not ACTUALLY a "215...")

Final Thoughts

Please refrain from incorporating ACA into bad pickup lines i.e. "hey baby you're a _ 1 _, wanna give me the rest of your number? ;)" Just.say.no. 

Also, there is apparently a full 10 digit system in the works, but it's proving to be difficult. Would YOU be able to remember 10 different categories while slightly inebriated? I think not.

And there you have it kids. Use the system wisely and be warned: it's slightly addicting.

      

                 " I've got hoes, in different area codes" - Ludacris' "Area Codes"

 

Bromances

                      "Rock out with your cock out...bromance style."



Society focuses a lot on female-female interactions and the varying degrees of friendships - the BFF, the "frenemie" etc. - leaving discussion of male-male friendships on the periphery. But finally, a movie has come out that puts male-male friendships in a whole new light: I Love You, Man. It stars Paul Rudd and Jason Segel (for you guys who know I love HIMYM, this was a moment for me!). The plot starts us off with Paul Rudd and his imminent marriage and the realization that his character has no close guy friends. So he sets off to find some, or even just one...poor guy. During his search he befriends Jason Segel's character, and the "bromance" begins. (Sidenote: Paul Rudd is EXCELLENT in this movie!)

bromance - n. a loving, mutual and purely platonic friendship between two heterosexual men. Signs and symptoms: going on "man dates," referring to each other as "bro," "dude," or "buddy" and saying "I Love You, Man" without fear of judgement.

I feel that the "rules" driving male-male interactions are fewer and more straightforward than those in female-female relationships. Here are some of my favorites:

1) If there are a few urinals open in the Men's Room, NEVER take one right next to another dude, because that's just weeeeiiird.

2) NEVER bring your girlfriend to boys' night. (Ladies, would you really want your BF around while you and the gals chat it up about Sex and the City? I think not...). 

3) It's okay to say that another dude looks good, but only when you say it in the "dude" voice.

4) When in a hug, give the customary back pat if the hug lasts longer than 5 seconds.

5) Dude:: wingman as girl::shopping buddy. 

For more rules check out Barney Stintson's The Bro Code. The weird thing is, I'M the one who recommended it to AE. Oh well, haha.

The bromance is a universal concept, as it seems to have made it's way into the hearts of men all over hollywood. Some of my favorite celebrity bromances:

                                       George Clooney and Brad Pitt

                                        Ben Affleck and Matt Damon

                                       Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson

                                     Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly

Note: it seems that Bros choose other bros who are their equal in looks and in comic timing...hahah

Gals, try not to get too grossed out by "manly bonding." You don't want a potential BF who has no friends.

Guys, find your bro and "hug it out, bitch."

AE Gives Us "The Ugly Truth"

Lots of girls love getting guys' perspectives on dating and relationships. It's just a matter of finding a person who will give you an honest answer, whether you're ready to hear it or not. There are some guys, like AE, who do just that. In my opinion, it's important to hear both sides of an argument so today we have him onboard to "enlighten" us. 

Disclaimer: Take the following with a grain of salt; it's pretty much a no holds barred approach on a touchy subject. I bet you it even made AE do a double take a few times while writing it. And guess what? It did.

To get the general gist of the tone of this article, watch the movie trailer for The Ugly Truth:

A few nights ago, I was watching Nip/Tuck (the closest thing to hardcore porn you’ll find on network cable) with a bunch of my friends. At one point, my buddy’s girlfriend comes out of the other room and says she’s watching Biggest Loser.  She then goes on to say how the contestants are crying and how she’s about to cry also.  I quickly respond with, “Yeah, it’s really sad watching fat people try to lose weight.” 

That little offensive and tasteless interaction got me thinking, not about fat people making such an emotional big deal about losing weight, but about how physically unattractive girls go on complaining about how they can’t find a relationship…about how “all men are shallow pigs,” and how “pretty girls are all bitches.”

Well ladies, the fact of the matter is, the problem is actually you, not men, and not necessarily the pretty girls.  Gerard Butler said it best in his upcoming chick flick The Ugly Truth, “Listen up ladies.  You want a relationship?  Here’s how you get one:  It’s called a Stair Master!  Get on it!  No one falls in loves with your personality at first sight!”

That isn’t to say that personality and brains isn’t important.  It’s quite the opposite in fact.  Once you get past the initial five minutes of an encounter with a man, your personality will make or break you going home with him that night (that or the copious amounts of alcohol that you both may or may not have consumed).  However, it is getting to that encounter and eventual conversation that is the problem with you types of girls.  I’m sorry to tell you that it isn’t your personality or dizzying intellect that the guy is going to be staring at from across the bar.  Unfortunately, if you’re not physically attractive, forget about it.  Men are visual people, and if they like what they see, they go for it. Without that initial physical attraction, 99% of men will have no reason whatsoever to come up to you, strike that conversation, and get to know whoever the hell it is you are behind your less-than-stellar physical appearance.

So let that be a lesson from me to all you girls who think that intelligence and personality are all that matter.  You’re really only kidding yourselves.  Unless you’ve got the physical goods to back up that brain and charm of yours, don’t expect that cute boy to be coming after you at your next girls night out.  Having said that, don’t hate on all the pretty girls.  While their good looks may give off the bitchy vibe (and truth be told some of them really are bitches), they are simply using the gifts that God gave them, and regrettably for you, it’s those gifts that are going to attract the cute boy you’ve had your eye on all night. So take a tip, and “make it work.”

-AE

So what do I think? Ouuuuuchhh, it buuuuuurrrnns! But in all seriousness, AE via Gerard Butler has got a valid point. 

I read a book called Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? by Jena Pincott, which puts the rules of attraction up against scientific/clinical evidence. And guess what? Pincott shows that even science agrees with physical attraction at first sight; when you're out at a bar among strangers, physical attraction will be the incentive to meet someone, since you can't gauge personality by sight alone. 

So for you girls and guys who are reading this going "oh great, what the hell do I do now?" don't fret. As Pincott says, there is such a thing as "love at second sight: depending on your personal experience with a person, beauty can turn ugly, and ugly can become beautiful."

Neil Patrick Harris: Fuck Yeah!

If any of you have ever seen "Doogie Howser, M.D." or more recently, "Harold and Kumar..." and especially "How I Met Your Mother," you know just how awesome NPH is. 

He should be winning awards because:

- He sings and dances well (please see the Prop 8 the Musical, his stint on SNL and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog)

- He plays the BEST womanizing straight man ever, being a gay man himself

- He's done Broadway

- His comic timing is spot on

- He's just legen...wait for it...DARY!

I'm continuously blown away by this guy, and I see that I'm not the only one. On my usual IMDb perusing I stumbled across the ULTIMATE NPH website:

www.fuckyeahneilpatrickharris.com

Some samples:

                            From when Barney sets Ted up with a "hooker"

                        "Let's open our own bar and NEVER have last call!"

This one's for the guys: Season 3 with the Victoria's Secret models...combined with a joke from season 4

So if you're an NPH fan, go...

...we'll be watching you.

Girlfriend Lessons: Green Means Go

With Valentine's Day behind us, some of us are still looking for love. Well, we all like to party, and nothing beats a theme party. The solution? Throw a "stop light party." The concept is simple: your relationship status is directly reflected in the color you choose to wear to one of these parties.

Red: In a relationship

Yellow: In an open relationship and looking to play

Green: Single and ready to mingle

In theory, this should allow the singles to find each other and allow guys and gals who are in relationships to ward off unwanted advances. 

But what if people bend the rules? Things to watch out for:

Mixing Colors

Wearing a Yellow Green shirt = "I'm single but I keep the old 'standbys' on deck. Maybe you could be one of them ;)"

Wearing all 3 colors at once =  "I like to keep them guessing"

Wearing a red shirt and green pants = "I may be taken, but you're invited to the party in my pants" = potential cheater or a "ball-and-chain relationship" victim. 

All participants wearing red = a couples dinner party. WARNING: Singles, prepare to be harassed about your love life and/or be the 11th wheel.

Keeping all 3 colors at hand = allows the wearer to switch colors as he/she encounters differing degrees of attractive people i.e. "I'd give this guy the green light, but I'm red lighting the creeper over there..."

Road Signs

In conjunction with the colors, some people may get clever and don accompanying road signs.

"No chance, buddy. Keep it zipped."

"I go both ways ;)"

"Psh sweetheart, please. Men are working here."

"Hmm...yeah you're not so much for me, but maybe that guy can help you out?"

"Girls nearing 30 need not apply" - Barney Stintson, How I Met Your Mother

"I like 'em young" 

Children Crossing = PEDOPHILE. 

This gal's looking for a GOOD time.

Hey, whatever works...

On the chest: "I got my boobs done"

On the nether regions: "I used to be a dude"

?!?!

(I don't wanna know...)

Now go throw your own stop light party, but be prepared...

Chasing the Journey Front Man

If you're any sort of rock aficionado, an 80's kid, or a former student of any New England college, you know the band Journey. Even if you don't, I bet you a million dollars you know the song "Don't Stop Believing."

To most of you, Steve Perry is synonymous with Journey. He did after all sing the songs that made the band what it continues to be today. What less of you may know, is that since his controversial departure in 1996, there have been three men who have attempted to fill his shoes. The most recent man happens to be a compact 5'3" energetic jumping dynamo who hails from the Philippines, which *shock* happens to be the motherland for me. 

Introducing...AP

His name is Arnel Pineda, and since his discovery in December 2007, he has been the object of pinoy pride all over the world. How did Journey find him? YouTube. Guitarist Neil Schon found him on YouTube singing a cover of "Faithfully." The rest is history. What a lucky break, eh? Going from singing covers of Journey songs to being the actual Journey lead singer? Wow! 

Reception

The reception has been quite split. Some fans of the Perry Era didn't like Arnel because he's not American and he isn't Steve Perry. To those fans I have to say, they have a point, and while I agree with them, Steve himself can't hit those notes anymore. Some older fans have reacted positively saying AP is a breath of fresh air. 

Then there's the other extreme, the sudden influx of the Filipino community who has decided to support Journey because of Arnel. While this is a great new fan base for the band, I disagree with their liking Journey just because Arnel is Filipino. Let's face it, Journey was and always will be an American band. I classify these types of people as diehard Arnel fans, but fairweather Journey fans. But I will say, after seeing this dude in person, he deserves serious props for being a great singer and a great person.

Introducing...my mother.

So here starts my personal story, and it all begins with my Arnel-crazed mother. Let's call her Alana. 

There is a fan website online where people all over go to chat about AP and whatever else they choose. If you actively chat on this site, you're called what's known as a "Plokker." Alana aka Momma, is a diehard Plokker. I'd even venture to call her the queen of the chatroom.

Alana's Journey & AP Timeline

Summer 2008 - Alana (and family) watches three different concerts on Journey's Revelation Tour: Mohegan Sun (CT), Hershey Park (PA), Bethelwoods (NY) (whattup Woodstock!?).

        Journey at Hershey Park, August 2008

December 2008 - The East Coast Plokkers meet for the first time at a Filipino restaurant in Altantic City. There was plenty of food, karaoke, line dancing and chatter to go around (as to be expected). I should mention that the group made a generous donation to AP's foundation for underprivileged children, which was great.

January 2009 - Alana gets to speak with AP on the phone personally. I can't disclose the details but let's just say she's got an in. *Sealed lips*

February 2009 - Lani Misalucha Concert with special guest, Arnel Pineda. Now this is where things get interesting. The East Coast Plokkers assemble once again, this time as VIP's guaranteed a meet and greet with the artists. Woohoo! I'm on video duty, my cousin Romeo is primary photographer and my dad is photographer 2. 

1pm - Plokkers meet at a Filipino restaurant (deja vu much?) and eat, talk and play games to their hearts content. 

        5pm - Depart restaurant and go to Newark Symphony Hall for the concert. This is the part where we get our oh-so-cool VIP wristbands.

        7pm - The concert starts. I know I haven't mentioned her, but Lani (the headliner) is quite a talented person with a great sense of humor. I was very pleasantly surprised. Who else can sing and bounce like Beyonce but perform "Nessun Dorma" flawlessly? That's what I call versatile. Arnel gives a stellar performance punctuated with numerous shoutouts to the Plokkers, much to the delight of the group. We were the loudest, rowdiest ones there, naturally. We also really get to see his personality and charisma, which are both off the charts.

       10pm - Concert's out. The Plokkers await their chance at a photo op with the man of the hour. This is how that turned out: 

                  Chaos! The Plokkers are unhappy with the disorganization. Hint: AP is...you should know this one by now. Alana is the creeper with her hand on AP's shoulder. Lani is the one in the gray sweater. Mom gets a brief chance to give AP the presents we bought for him and his fam. 

11pm - Lani and Arnel sign autographs. Mom gets Lani's autograph on her CD. She also gets her second round of facetime with Arnel, and this is how it goes:

                          

Alana: Arnel, you may not really know who I am but I'm Ate Alana.

AP: Oh my god! Ate! Thanks so much for _____ ______ and ______ (can't disclose).

  HOW THE HECK DOES HE KNOW MY MOM!?! She totally crept in there!!!

              * Alana proceeds to get every single thing she brings in with her signed, along with additional hugs and greetings from the big (little) guy*

12am - Unsatisfied with the earlier reception, the Plokkers discover where Arnel's hotel is and they wait in the lobby with the event organizer. This is how that turned out:

                 

                                              Me, my cousin Lucille and Lani Misalucha

          and...

      

                  The East Coast Plokkers with Arnel Pineda (center) and Lani Misalucha (bottom left). Finally a proper group picture!

All's well that ends well I guess. I felt like a serious stalker. First of all, we found out where he was staying. Secondly, we WENT there at midnight when the two of them had a 4am flight to catch for San Diego. I have to commend Arnel and Lani for greeting the group openly and being such great sports. They really are such down to earth and awesome people. 

Take home lesson 1: I'm personally not groupie material, but my family sure is. 

Take home lesson 2: Persistence means never having to be satisfied with just an autograph...

I'm sure there will be more AP related adventures to come, if my mom has anything to say about it. 

Guy-Friendly Book Review: "Physics of the Impossible" by Dr. Michio Kaku, PhD

So gents, AE's back with a chance for you to indulge your inner nerd. If you read my "Celeb List: Geek Hot Guys" you'll know that nerdiness is fully condoned here. So if you're one of those guys who bought one of those Star Wars Special Edition light sabers from Sharper Image (before it went out of business), or you're just a science geek like AE and me, read on.

            Let’s face it gentlemen, there isn’t a single one of us out there who hasn’t seen the entire Star Wars Trilogy (not the Hayden Christiansen bastardized trilogy).   We’ve all spent countless dollars on novelty light sabers, die cast millennium falcons, and R2-D2 action figures.  But how much of that movie is actually possible by today’s technological standard?  Dr. Kaku attempts to answer that question along with many of our favorite science fiction phenomena. 

Let me begin by saying that this is not a book for your average layperson.  Kaku is a professor of Theoretical Physics at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York.  Unless you finished with an undergraduate degree in a hard science, I recommend you brush up on your basic physics and chemistry before diving into this beast. 

Given the proper background however, this book is very enjoyable, fascinating and thought provoking.  Kaku analyzes what is necessary to accomplish all of our favorite “impossibilities:” teleportation, starships, faster-than-light travel and even the perpetual motion machine (better known as the Holy Grail in the physics world).  Believe it or not, some things such as force fields and starships are not all that far out of our reach given our society’s current technology. 

For the stereotypical nerd, this book is everything you would want and more.  Kaku discusses the history of each “impossibility”, what we as a society know so far, and the in depth physics and chemistry (oh God! Equations!).  If anything else, you will get a great deal of compliments and impressive looks when reading this book in public. 

-AE

Who Should Read: Science nerds and Jedi Wannabes

May the force [field] be with you, as you steer your starship.

Celeb List: Top Dogs

He's such a cool cat

For all of you animal lovers out there, I'm a dog person. Unfortunately, though I think they are adorable, I am horribly allergic to cats. I don't have a pet of my own right now, and dogs just seem to make the coolest sidekicks. Just think about how many dogs you've seen on TV and in the movies!

If I were to find my dream dog, it would want it to be as cool as these guys on my "Top Dogs" list:

10) Beethoven - You can't help but love this jumbo size St. Bernard. I just love it when he meets Missy and they have puppies together.

9) Brain from "Inspector Gadget" - he's faithful and is a master of disguise. I want his high tech collar for my future puppy so we can talk, haha. 

8) Scooby Doo - "Ruh roh" where are the Scooby snacks when you need them?

7) Brian from "Family Guy" - what other dog do you know stands upright, loves opera, and can speak multiple languages?

6) Lady and the Tramp - I'd cook them spaghetti and play violin in the moonlight whenever they wanted.

5) The Taco Bell Chihuahua - Yo quiero este perro...and a quesadilla.

4) 101 Dalmations - yes, all of them. Stupid Cruella.

3) Lassie - this dog puts me to shame. 

2) Porkchop from "Doug" - just to clarify, the original Doug on Nickelodeon, not that Disney-ed out one. Come live with me, Porkchop! And bring your igloo too...

1) Snoopy - he is the classic and original. I always thought he was the smartest one of the "Peanuts" gang. Yes, even more so than Lucy.

                          Only the truest sidekick would drop trou and lend you his undergarments for your Quailman costume

Got and addition? Leave a comment!

Why The Superbowl is Like a Holiday

      

WHO WILL WIN!?

Hellooo football fans and football apathetics alike! It's Superbowl Sunday! 

Now, this is traditionally a guy's kind of day, but we girls can get in on the action too if you have the right attitude. Maybe some of you ladies are diehard football fans and you love a certain team. Maybe you're like me and you have a very cursory knowledge of the game and only watch when your boyfriend puts it on TV. Or, maybe you're the girl who doesn't see what all the fuss is about and doesn't bother with the sport. 

Well that's about to change, because I'm here to tell you that Superbowl has got something for EVERYONE!

Why the Superbowl is like a holiday:

- It happens once a year, and there's a certain novelty that surrounds the event.

- The week of, TV shows incorporate it into their plot lines, and make Superbowl-related episodes. It's right up there with the "Christmas special" or "Halloween episode." Think about it.

-There are sales in stores around Superbowl time. Bluefly.com has a 10% off everything sale today because it's Superbowl Sunday. Should I mention that Bluefly is an online, high-end designer website?

-People break out special clothing for the occasion. Bring out those game day jerseys everyone!

- DRINKING, and lots of it. Hurray beer! Break out the Bud, Heineken, or whatever floats your boat. (FYI: I don't drink beer). 

- There's very specific spread on the table, just for the hungry Superbowl watchers. For me personally, I've got a Pavlovian response to this particular day:  Superbowl = WINGS!

- The commercials are made especially for this day. And they're usually hilarious!

- There's music, specifically at halftime.

- People are laughing, crying and screaming...at each other and at the TV. It's just like any other holiday! Nothing brings people together like a little pigskin action.

A WARNING: DON'T BE LAME. I'm going to relay a certain (unfortunately) true story of last year's superbowl. One of my closest guy friends and I were watching the game at college and he had to go back to his dorm room for a reason that now escapes my memory. He went back to discover that his female roommates were watching TV, but what was on? A ballet dvd or something. A BALLET dvd!?! He asked if he could switch it to the game, and the girls said "no!" So he was forced to try and watch online feed from his computer in his room, which is just completely unacceptable. 

They could have easily turned off the DVD and resumed watching it later but noooo. I felt badly for him, and I didn't think he had to take that at all. Stand up for yourselves guys, because this only happens ONCE a year!! Gaahhhh!

Moral of the story: anyone who wants to watch the game should be allowed to on this day. So ladies if you've got boyfriends who are all about it, let them have their fun! Turns out, once you stop resisting it so much, you may even have fun yourself!

Happy watching and may the best team win!

Celeb List: Geek Hot Guys

I'm just going to say it: I love nerds. What girl wouldn't like an attractive, quirky, semi-awkward, lovable and intelligent guy? Well I know that nerdy dudes aren't for everyone, but they certainly are for me! It takes one to know one, right? 

To qualify as "Geek Hot:"

- The candidate must be equal parts cute, nerdy and endearing.

- Must have at least one recognizable quirk and/or have quirky style.

- Their personality enhances their looks and their likability.

The following is a list of my personal Top 10 brainy boys:

10) Ben Savage as Cory on "Boy Meets World"

Why: If you're a true 90's kid, you grew up watching the show and wishing you were Topanga so you could be Cory's girlfriend (while secretly eyeing Eric).

9) Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter

Why: MAGIC TRICKS!

8) BJ Novak as Ryan on "The Office"

Why: BJ is a very talented writer for the show. Love you and your comic timing BJ/Ryan!

7) Josh Radnor as Ted on "How I Met Your Mother"

Why: He's a hopeless romantic who makes makes it rain and tells nerdy Dad jokes. Love it.

6) Hugh Dancy as Grigg in "The Jane Austen Book Club"

Why: He's a Sci-Fi nerd who's adorably awkward!

5) Christopher Gorham as Henry on "Ugly Betty"

Why: He wuvs Betty, and we wuv him...and his egg salad sandwich.

4) Justin Long

Why: He's been everything from the shy guy on "Dodgeball," to the spunky creator of "S.H.I.T." (South Harmon Institute of Technology - from "Accepted") to the Mac guy...and I LOVES me some Mac.

3) John Cusack

Why: Come on '80's ladies, you know you want to hold up a radio outside his window. 

2) Jason Segel as Marshall on "How I Met Your Mother"

Why: He's delightfully musical, wants to be an environmental lawyer one day, and is a sensitive guy with a hell of a sweet tooth. We love you, "Marshmallow!"

1) John Krasinski as Jim Halpert on "The Office"

Why: He plays hilariously ingenious practical jokes on Dwight. He's hot, thoughtful and he loves Pam. Did I mention that I want to BE Pam!?

See? Not all girls go for the bad boys. Revenge of the nerds! 

Got an addition? Leave a comment!

Girlfriend Lessons: "The Rom-Com Trap"

Men and women have always had a hard time deciphering each other. Where's the relationship Rosetta Stone?! We women and girls are admittedly more emotional creatures while men and boys (though equally emotional) operate on a different wavelength. This is the inspiration for "Girlfriend Lessons;" it's yet another attempt at sorting out all of the mixed messages and confusing relationship dynamics we encounter out there. 

Sometimes the sexes just need to keep themselves in check; to the ladies: it's not always the guys' faults, and to the guys: no, you can't always blame her anger on PMS. We slight each other equally, so it's time to step back into our corners and cease fire for a second.

      Big gestures: so romantic but so not standard protocol (oh but if they were!)

Today's lesson is inspired by an article I stumbled across on the Cosmo website: "Are Chick Flicks Wrecking Your Relationship?" I usually read these types of articles when I'm bored, but this actually seems to have some scientific backing (so you know it's good...hah):

Researchers from Heriot-Watt University in Scotland found in their study that romantic comedies can create unrealistic expectations for love and relationships — especially when it comes to communication. Turns out that chicks who love romance flicks are prone to mind-reader-itis: that is, they expect their guy to know what they want or how they’re feeling without having to tell them.

www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating/romantic-comedy-love-life

Before I go on I have to say that I am an avid romantic comedy watcher just like most girls and women (and some guys) out there. No one could ever wrench me away from my Austen remakes - Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice...hello!? And who doesn't bawl while watching The Notebook with their close guy friend nearby laughing at you while you're reaching for the tissues? (Yeah, that happened. Sorry Mikey). 

People love feel-good, though predictable plots with good-looking people. It's a potent formula that Hollywood uses and it WORKS...but it could be warping our sense of reality when it comes to our relationships.

Gals, remain level-headed at all costs. Guys, take notice if your girlfriend is exhibiting one of the following symptoms of the "Rom-Com Trap:"

(based on  www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating/romantic-comedy-love-life)

1) She thinks your relationship is "invincible." All relationships have their high moments and low points, and glossing over the difficult times could lead to an imbalance in your relationship. You could end up prolonging something that just isn't working OR worse, this could prevent you both from reconciling a problem that could keep your couple-dom genuine.

2) She's keeping score. Are you one of those girls who does nice things for your boyfriend expecting he'll reciprocate in an equal if not more romantic way? Do you think he's just downright ungrateful when he doesn't? Guys, do you come home only to find your girlfriend pissed at you for some unknown reason? Not good. So girls, don't do something nice for your guy only to hold it over his head later. And guys, don't forget to show your ladies your appreciation because no one likes to be taken for granted. It's important to make sure each party contributes equally to the relationship and gives of themselves with unselfish intentions. Keep the scorecards away and you'll both "win."

3) She thinks it's "written in the stars." Maybe you and Mr. Wonderful had an awfully adorable "meet-cute" right out of the movies. One possible scenario: you're at a party and a song comes on, and both of you scream "I love this song!" and lock eyes across the room. You may have some things in common that make you think "wow we are going to be together for the rest of our lives" but that may not necessarily be true, so be prepared. If this sounds like you: "I could NOT live without him! If we ever broke up I would absolutely diiieee!" then you need to take a second to reevaluate. Have you lost yourself in your own relationship? Guys, if your girlfriend makes these kinds of declarations, it may be time to create some boundaries, or break it off (a LAST resort). 

Bottomline: keep open communication with each other and set realistic goals. Nothing is more romantic than being with someone who actually gets you and accepts you for who you are. Oh and those romantic comedies? They're for entertainment purposes ONLY!

                   You guys are for super serious this time, right?  

Guy-Friendly Book Review: "The Book Of Vice: Very Naughty Things (and How to Do Them)" by Peter Sagal

So it's time to hear from my partner-in-crime (ok yeah, boyfriend), AE, who will be taking over "biz casual" fridays for me. Basically, fridays are his time to say pretty much whatever he wants...brace yourselves.

Today he's got a review for us, of one of the selections from his "guy-friendly" library:

It’s spring break and you and your buddies have planned the ultimate man week in Las Vegas.  This is every 25 year old guy’s dream but would you really know how to maximize you experience?  Is “4-the hard way” a smart bet?  How many trips to the casino buffet is too many?  Does that exotic dancer really like you for your charming personality?

Sagal’s work, on the surface, may seem like a Frat Boy’s field manual;  it is filled with personal anecdotes excessive alcohol consumption, porno sessions, and trips to strip clubs.  The Book of Vice however is so much more than that.  Sagal addresses some of the most naughty, over indulgent, and at times just plain inhuman vices that our culture takes part in.  All of this is done from an intellectual’s perspective with a taste of sarcasm and dry humor.  Instructions on proper etiquette at a swingers’ party, how to spend $1000 dollars on a meal for two, and even how to extract money from family members because they think you have cancer are all outlined with detailed instructions.

So whether you are an inherently evil, gluttonous, or materialistic person, or you’re just looking for a way to take an ordinary weekend activity to the next level, Sagal will certainly show you how to have borderline illegal fun. 

                                                                                  -A.E.

Who should read this: the wannabe underhanded hedonist. 

Hit up that local bookstore and plan that trip to Vegas, kids. AE will meet you at the craps table, and I'll be waiting by the buffet.

Celeb List: "We Put the '-Ah' in 'Diva'"

To be a true diva:

1) Your stage name MUST end in "-ah"

2) You should be referred to or be recognized by your first name alone

THE LIST:

10. Ciara

9. (Lady) Gaga

8. Cascada

7. Shakira

6. Aaliyah

5. Rihanna

4. Christina (Aguilera) (Double "-ah!")

3. Mariah (Carey)

2. Madonna

1. Aretha (Franklin)

*Your LAST resort: a name with an "-ey" or "-ay" ending. Who do Britney and Beyonce think they're fooling!? Jeez!

Kidding...maybe.

** The EXCEPTION: Whitney. Enough said.

Now that you're informed, go make up your stage name and start singing into that hairbrush or kitchen utensil of your choice you diva, you.

Got an addition? Leave a comment!