Betchspeak: Decoded

Back in college circa junior year, two videos circulated the Trinity viral scene which soon became huge hits, particularly in the music and theater community. We watched them and quoted them, and somehow it never left our systems. What was left of the phenomenon has filtered down into what I lovingly call "Betchspeak," only spoken by the most devoted "betches" to walk this planet. This one's for you, Safir Gem and LMurrs. 

I now introduce Kelly, the original Betch (warning: not for the super super serious/faint at heart):

Shoes

Let Me Borrow That Top

Now that you all have gotten acquainted, some terms for you:

Betch – n. someone who’s got your back. Someone you go shopping for "shoes" with (preferably for “300 f*cking dollars”) and “borrow tops” from.  She must be brutally honest and tell if you something “sucks” or “rules.” She’s sassy and classy and MUST be willing to participate in “betchspeak” when prompted, especially in public. Can be male if he meets the above requirements.

Betchspeak – n. vernacular created by one “Kelly” (aka, the comedian Liam Sullivan) which includes such words and phrases as “betch,” “shoes” (sheewws), top borrowing, and "shetbeg.”

What she’s like: your sista, homegirl or BFF.

What she’s NOT: your actual biological sister, the best friend you secretly hate (thanks AskMen), a female dog, or a “biotch.” 

So there you go. If you happen to come upon an individual speaking betchspeak, give them a little betchslap and send the shetbeg my way so we can go to the mall...even if it sucks.